I got served

So apparently I'm not exactly waitressing material... Well at least not for an Asian restaurant with nagging owners and almost all senior citizen clientele. I was about to break an old man hip this weekend.

Friday night after my shift all I could think about is how I didn't want to go in on Saturday afternoon for my next shift, and then realized I was already unhappy with this second job after a week. My second job should be something fun that I enjoy and look forward to go to, not one that I'm dreading. I know not all work is fun, but it should be enjoyable. Especially after hearing another server tell me how miserable he was working there and he hated it, I decided I wouldn't be that way for a few reasons:

1. A server who is not happy with their job, should NOT serve. Bad overall experience for the customers = bad tip or no tip and that's just a waste of everyone's time.
2. I'm expecting a lot of changes for my full time job within the next couple of months and if all goes smoothly with that, I won't need a second job at all.
3. Now I have a whole 9 days of serving experience and I'm off to the next sports bar with my low cut t-shirt on to show off all of my acquired skills.

Okay, that last one is a joke... Unless my full time job screws me over and I have no choice but to go work in a sports bar for some extra cash which kind of sounds fun, but I don't know. What I do know is that I have a whole new level of respect for servers (not that I've ever been a jerk to people who serve), and I tip my hat to you all!

Is that you, Beatrix Kiddo??

Don't let your children watch this (Unless they're 30 & still living with you. AND they pay for the internet, then I guess you can let them, otherwise you are being taken advantage of). Okay now watch:

Little Red Riding Hood is Black Mamba?

via TheHairpin

Ree! Ree!! Ree!!! Ree!!!!!!

You know what today is...

DISCLAIMER for those of you who are under the age of 30 and happen to have fun plans with your friends for the night:

• DO NOT go anywhere isolated with just your small group of drunk / high off your asses friends.
• DO NOT HAVE PREMARITAL SEX! You WILL die a slow and agonizing death before you get to finish.
• DO stretch those leg muscles before you go out, that way if your being chased by a psychopath killer you are prepared to run for your life. Literally
• DO carry some mace or some sort of defense mechanism that will give you a head start run.
• DO NOT trip like a dumbass if you are running from a psychopath killer & if your friend trips... you'll always have memories of them before that night.
• If you are not Caucasian: DO NOT be the only minority within your group of friends. Deranged killers love small groups of white people.
• And once again, DO NOT HAVE PREMARITAL SEX! You WILL die a slow and agonizing death mid hump!

Okay so serious question: What is with movie producers picking on people under the age of 30 for all horror films. Can the young generation please get a fecking break and someone throw a movie out there where a bunch of  people going through their mid-life crisis' get brutally murdered; say maybe after they get their cool new tattoos and buy their new Harley and then horror strikes on their first bike run? Hell, I'll even settle for a film based off a mass murder at the senior citizen rec center.

LET MY PEOPLE LIVE PARAMOUNT PICTURES!

Swamp Ass

We are human.
We eat, drink, pee, poop & sweat whether you want to admit it or not.
Sweat happens and there's nothing you can do about it unless you pay for botox (as I once seen in a REALLY old MTV show).

I know there are other freak human beings out there, unlike myself, that when working out do not sweat like they're in Miami on a hot & humid summer afternoon. Hell, my body temperature rises & I get all flustered after my first alcoholic beverage, so that goes to tell you how much I sweat when I am actually TRYING to break a sweat. It's gross but whatever, I don't have money for botox so I deal with it.
Now everyone sweats differently and more or less in different places than others, but I just want to put something out there for the women & men who go to the gym wearing GRAY workout shorts or pants:

NOT.
CUTE.
Please do not put your swamp ass on display for the public.

It amazes me how many people actually wear any other color bottoms than black to the gym & have no shame about their swamp ass. Maybe they think they don't sweat that much? Hopefully they re-evaluate themselves again once they get home from the gym or at least see the sweat on their shorts/ pants when taking them off.
I know it looks sexy to some people to have that glistening from their neck, arms or legs after a good workout, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing sexy about a wet area near your ass. Please keep it to black bottoms at the gym whether you think you sweat a lot or not.

Thank you.

Me, upon seeing the swamp ass
via 

Hey!...

I know every other website you go to has already informed you of the return of Anchorman, but I wanted to just throw this gif out there.

 This is almost exactly what my sister & I did upon hearing the news:

After watching

One episode of Dance Moms, I don't ever, eva eva eva eva...

EVER...
Wanna hear another cot damn story about a parent getting arrested for disciplining their child in public. That mental & emotional abuse is socially acceptable for tv, so I think if a kid throws a temper tantrum at the store & gets spanked for it, all you dumbass people reporting that crap need a nice warm glass of shut the hell up!

Lights out Phoenix!

Possibly the funniest Tumbly Tumblr out there

http://whatshouldwecallme.tumblr.com

When I reach that point with someone fairly new to my life

that doesn't quite understand my humor or laugh at my jokes because they just look at me like:

Then I have to just tell them:

My new favorite watches

I be fancy, huh?

New blog background, cause I'm a BAMF in my 26th year of being.