Repopulation

I have a theory that my family has some sort of evil demon in their head repeating this very word to them... and they do as he says... whenever he says.

My family is super close and are all pretty much in the same age range. I have 5 siblings and we have 4 cousins that we grew up with living within one mile of us, with so we consider each other brothers and sisters. Growing up, birthday parties were a blast and going out to dinner for someone's birthday was always an adventure. We are still really close to this day and that I am extremely thankful for.

Well now that we're all older, they've decided to have children like the world has been wiped out of the human species and God said "I choose this family to repopulate the earth". I have 10 nieces and nephews just from my siblings; my "other siblings" have a total of 7... I think that's right. Don't get mad at me if I forgot someone, use a condom! Now this doesn't include all of the other children in my family; I would have to spend all day doing that because my Dad has 8 sisters and 1 brother and my mother has 2 sisters and 2 brothers and I don't even know how many kids trickle down from that... Now do you understand the title of this post and why I don't have children???

It never fails, our gatherings are a blast. Whether it's bbq'ing on Sundays, holiday celebrations, baptismals or tailgating; we eat, drink, and have a good time. Sometimes there's a nip slip and sometimes we get just a taaaad bit rowdy and get in fights... But when it comes to birthday parties, that is just craziness all around whether it's a kids party or adult outing. I feel like birthday parties are the most hectic gathering for this fam, or really, any large family. Not everyone needs to show up for Sunday bbq's, tailgating, or 4th of July hangouts; but a birthday party, it's like you have to go because your kids will hate you forever if they miss their favorite cousins pinata and jumpy thingamajig. Plus you'll miss out on the delicious food, so you go. Parties at houses usually turn into an adult event with coolers full of beer, adults wrestling each other in the jumper, and the cops getting called at 1am. Peter Piper's are usually overtaken by our family then we all go back to someone's house to continue the adult fun. And then there's the times we decide to go out to sit down restaurants for the adults birthdays...

Normally on one's birthday, you want to go out to your favorite restaurant with the people you love the most surrounding you while eating your favorite meal. Not me, I've decided to opt out of this for celebrating my birthday for 3 good reasons:
   1.) This family is never on time.
Like Joe Pesci says in Goodfellas "Yeah, you were always fuckin' late, you were late for your own fuckin' funeral". My sister has to make 3 different sets of invitations for birthday parties! Three!! One set for her white friends (who are always good at being on time) and another set for my family that usually says the party is at 2pm when it doesn't really start till 5pm. The 3rd invitation is for my aunt who's invitation says party time is at Noon that way she'll be there by 6 the latest. The chances of the restaurant letting us sit down without the entire party there are slim to none.

   2.) Hassling restaurant employees to make room for and serve 24+ people their correct food.
The minimum wait time for a party this big is usually an hour, when you're waiting for one side of the restaurant to leave so you can all sit together. Even if we did make a reservation, we'd still wait till everyone got there so the waiters could take orders. Just looking at the faces of the waiters taking drink and food orders then bring them out to the correct person makes me pity them. Thank God restaurants do that automatic tip for parties of 8 or more.

   3.) Splitting the bill.
This usually takes an extra hour after everyone has finished their meals and is ready to be on their way. Most waiters ask in advance if and how the bill will be split, but it always happens that someone got the wrong items on their bill or was over / under charged. It wouldn't be that big of a hassle for everyone to throw your money on the table and leave, but in this day and age no one carries around cash. So we have to wait for the waiter to correct the bill, then run all of our cards and bring them back to sign. What's worse is just yesterday, my family went out for a few birthdays and the waiter put the bill all together and gave them a pen to figure out their own totals. WOW! What a jerkoff! Apparently my Ma thought the same cause I was told she was about to get fist to cuffs with the staff for pulling that stunt.

Ahhh.... I love my huge family!!!