When someone tries to hug me for one too many seconds

Under The Influence

A while ago I had dinner with an Aunt & Uncle of mine and my Uncle said something to me that has been hitting me hard lately and making me reflect upon myself and the life I'm living.  He told me that I have a very special gift... the gift of Influence. He said that he sees me as a very influential person because my personality draws people to me. He also pointed out that I have a choice to make, the choice of what kind of influence I am going to be.

The reason this has been hitting me so hard lately is because I've realized who I have this influence over, my Family. And yeah, I guess I do have an influence over the family that is my age or older, but I feel like my target audience is my younger family, especially one younger lad in particular... my 13 year old brother Noah. Noah is the little brat that stole my sunshine and took my throne as the baby of the family, but we have a 12 year age difference which makes his childhood way different than the rest of mine & my siblings. He's now at the age where he takes everything in around him and is going to pretty much shape his attitude and outlook on life. Before my Dad passed away, he gathered my siblings and myself and told us we all had one common responsibility now: Noah. That no matter what we were all responsible for his well being. And now that Noah isn't such a baby anymore, I feel that I need to start getting my shit together so I can be a good example for him since we are the closest in age and he looks up to me.

This new year of 2012 I am challenging myself with many goals that I intend to accomplish. Goals that I've thought about but never even tried to accomplish, goals that I've slightly tried to achieve, and new goals that I've never had the guts to push myself to mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. My life is going to take a big turn soon. All I can pray for is that I have enough strength to keep pushing and that I continue to have my friends & family support me and keep me focused. The motivation to better myself and my family, that pushes all of my individual goals for this new year is very clear to me now:

Lead By Example

Be the change you want to see in the world - Mahatma Ghandi

I hope you all have at least one fabulous resolution for the new year too & make it your bitch! 
Cheers to 2012 friends :)

Bad Romance

I believe the biggest mystery to us all is the human heart. We've all been in that shitty relationship that has this immense force over us leaving us powerless to get up & leave for our own well being. Some of us stay because we think it will get better, some stay because we're scared of having to start all over with someone new and venture into the unknown, and some of us stay because we would rather be with an asshole and feel a constant pain of love than to be alone & feel nothing at all. Maybe it's all of those reasons. Whatever your reason for staying, you learn that Love is a powerful drug we are all junkies for... And just trying to get your fix can turn you into a ray of sunshine or into a cloud of sorrow.

 “The human heart dares not stay away too long from that which hurt it most. There is a return journey to anguish that few of us are released from making.” - Lillian Smith

Via

"Never say never. Because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.”
Michael Jordan

Four (not just for whores)

Day 4: Seven fears/phobias

7. mj's "thriller" video... yes it still creeps me out

6. roaches

5. my ipod dying on me

4. drowning

3. going blind

2. losing my loved ones

1. cancer