Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Thank You notes aren't always good


A conversation between a coworker & I regarding the Thank You note I wrote him (which thanked him for being annoying and giving me someone to be mean to, and for bringing in his wife's delicious baked goods)

Me: I would just like to make one last comment about the thank you note that you were sooooooooo priveledged to receive from me...

SP: ok all ears

Me: At least it said thank you for something in particular, like being annoying and more importantly, for sharing your wife's wonderful goodies. I'll have you know that I made our IT guy a thank you note and on the inside, his said: FOR NOTHING

So yours was actually nice, you should feel really good about yourself now

SP: Poor Rick i understand his pain. But I do feel good, really good; that was a good diet coke i just had

Me: Wow, you two should link up and start a group so you can cry to each other instead of to yourself in the mirror.

SP: what the 'dudes against senseless gina violence' group?


Me: more like senior citizens, not dudes

SP: ok "senior citizens against  senseless gina violence."


Me: I'm not violent though. Maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe. I'd like to think of it more as motivating

SP: thats violences ugly cousin


Me: Whoa whoa whoa, now you're calling my cousin ugly? Wow, who's the real bully here?

SP: im not violent though, bullies are violent.


Me: I didnt say you were violent

SP: maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe


Me: every bit of your being is mentally abusive to anyone in your path

SP: my being isn't made of bits, its made of atoms. I'm not a computer program.

Me: every organism of your being. Even the thought of you is quite revolting.

SP: i told you im made of atoms. I'll have to ask beetlejuice what you are made of


Me: Sometimes when I think of you, I want to punch a newborn baby...
right in the throat

SP: you might get in trouble if you punched a newborn and blaming me might not hold up in court


Me: Well, if i explain the situation, Im sure any judge would understand... Actually it would just most likely cause a domino effect of newborn babies being punched, one person explaining it to the next then punching a baby... Or it would just be one brutally beaten newborn baby.
The choice is yours.

SP: "your honor, prior to said newborn beating, i thought of scott.  when i think of scott i want to punch babies.  it is therefore not my fault but his your honor."


Me: Now that is logic, powerful

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Yo, dude needs to get new friends

If his friends have ZERO reaction to this:


Not cool.
Not even a laugh?? I would've at least put my hand over my mouth like "oh shit!" or to hide the giant fucking grin stretched across my face.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Let it go

Change what you can
Let go of what you cannot,
and learn the difference.

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