Thank You notes aren't always good

A conversation between a coworker & I regarding the Thank You note I wrote him (which thanked him for being annoying and giving me someone to be mean to, and for bringing in his wife's delicious baked goods)

Me: I would just like to make one last comment about the thank you note that you were sooooooooo priveledged to receive from me...

SP: ok all ears

Me: At least it said thank you for something in particular, like being annoying and more importantly, for sharing your wife's wonderful goodies. I'll have you know that I made our IT guy a thank you note and on the inside, his said: FOR NOTHING
So yours was actually nice, you should feel really good about yourself now

SP: Poor Rick i understand his pain. But I do feel good, really good; that was a good diet coke i just had

Me: Wow, you two should link up and start a group so you can cry to each other instead of to yourself in the mirror.

SP: what the 'dudes against senseless gina violence' group?

Me: more like senior citizens, not dudes

SP: ok "senior citizens against  senseless gina violence."

Me: I'm not violent though. Maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe. I'd like to think of it more as motivating

SP: thats violences ugly cousin

Me: Whoa whoa whoa, now you're calling my cousin ugly? Wow, who's the real bully here?

SP: im not violent though, bullies are violent.

Me: I didnt say you were violent

SP: maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe

Me: every bit of your being is mentally abusive to anyone in your path

SP: my being isn't made of bits, its made of atoms. I'm not a computer program.

Me: every organism of your being. Even the thought of you is quite revolting.

SP: i told you im made of atoms. I'll have to ask beetlejuice what you are made of

Me: Sometimes when I think of you, I want to punch a newborn baby...
right in the throat

SP: you might get in trouble if you punched a newborn and blaming me might not hold up in court

Me: Well, if i explain the situation, Im sure any judge would understand... Actually it would just most likely cause a domino effect of newborn babies being punched, one person explaining it to the next then punching a baby... Or it would just be one brutally beaten newborn baby.
The choice is yours.

SP: "your honor, prior to said newborn beating, i thought of scott.  when i think of scott i want to punch babies.  it is therefore not my fault but his your honor."

Me: Now that is logic, powerful

Offer Letter for new position came thru

Maybe

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When Your Work Expects You To Stay An Extra Hour Late Waiting For A Balloon Delivery

Showin' The Love

My work sure knows how to show their love for their employees. This morning we had a special treat waiting for us upon our arrival...

Heart Balloons At Everyone's Desk

Donuts, Chocolate & Coffee

Adorable Napkins

Valentine Card Station

Cubicle View

Holdin' Down The Love

On top of all the lovely office decorations, we had breakfast catered & free massages set up for this afternoon. 

Not only was this a super sweet treat for us, but it really did put me in a better mood being a single gal on this Lover's Day. 

Happy Valentine's Day xoxo

B!tch I'm the BOMB

like bitch, BITCH!

Yes, I have a lot of down time at work to make drawings on my coworkers whiteboards.

I do what I can to bring a smile to other's faces.

For My Boss

iObsessed

Yesterday Red & I were discussing how we've both been making attempts at not texting or messing with our phones while driving. She said she just started keeping her purse with her phone in her trunk so she wouldn't be tempted at all, and I told her I keep mine in my cup holder but usually don't respond to any notifications unless it's a phone call. Usually...
Well then she suggested that I keep mine in my trunk too for safe driving but my first thought was "Well what if I get rear ended? Then my phone is RUINED!" and she says "Yeah, because your car & your neck won't matter if you get rear ended, but your phone will be broke..."

Then I started telling her how I've been getting so annoyed with myself lately cause I feel like I can't go more than an hour without picking up my phone and start playing with it no matter what I'm doing. Like I just started watching the show Breaking Bad (I know, I'm late. Chata!) and I will be totally into it then just have this normal reaction to just pick up my phone and start playing WWF or check my Fb or Tumblr. Then I'm like what the frick am I doing, this isn't a rerun of King of Queens I've seen 12398 times, I'm missing what's going on!
It's ridiculous how I am addicted to my phone, like I am to Facebook. I need to stop this immediately and leave my phone in another room when watching a movie or show.

Speedy McCoffee aka Speedy Mc

No, I'm not offering a coffee delivery service. Although, that would seem like maybe a good way to make money... maybe not with gas prices.
ANYWAYS, back to my point!

After months of observation, my coworker "Red" & I have given a nickname to our other coworker who can usually be spotted in the break room getting coffee every hour or speed walking around the building / parking lot... Speedy McCoffe or Speedy Mc for short.
Because both Red's desk & my desk face windows that look out to the parking lot, we are lucky enough to see how often he is zipping around the building with a cup o coffee in his hand, which is why we deemed it appropriate to give him a nickname. Also, because after numerous conversations it was easier to identify him with a nickname rather than "Look there goes that guy speed walking again with his coffee!".

At first I thought it was just me who noticed this guy who spent probably half of his day between the break room and outside, when Red came up to me and asked me if he worked with us when seeing him walk by my desk. But since then, Speedy Mc has been quite an interesting topic for us to waste company time on.
At first, Red & I discussed when either of us would have a face to face encounter with Speedy Mc, we noticed he was not the most sociable individual. You would think after God knows how many cups of coffee, you wouldn't be able to shut him up after saying hello to him, but nope, not Speedy Mc. He will just look straight down and walk on as if you didn't even exist not even saying hello back to you.
We even started making bets on how many times he would do a lap around the perimeter in one day, then we would purposely talk to him in the break room to see who could get some kind of a response or words out of him.

Then one bright and sunny day, Speedy McCoffee actually started responding to us when we spoke to him, it was quite startling. Since then, things have been looking up for Speedy Mc. He's been getting his exercise in and started riding his bicycle to work (which means it could only be fate that we call him Speedy Mc) and we noticed he's even been dressing better which has (unbeknownst to him) earned him a new nickname....

wait for it....
Snazzy Speedy!

I know what you're thinking after this long rant, and it hit me yesterday that Red & I spend way too much time talking about this guy...

*Speedy is leavin' the building on his bicycle*

Confessions Of A Nerd Break Room

So this morning while getting my fix of crack aka coffee in our break room, I walked in on some of my coworkers talking about what they did for their New Years Eve. Well apparently I missed the first half of a crazy great story because all I heard was:

 "Then the guy goes outside with his 45 and starts shooting in the parking lot. The police weren't too friendly with him. He had too much holiday cheer. You know, too much of that little white line holiday cheer..."

A few moments of awkward silence later the guy just grabbed his coffee and walked out without saying anything more.

I wish these break room walls could talk.

The Shit My Boss Says Pt. 3

"Supposubly" instead of supposedly
"Maysure" instead of measure

Sometimes I just want to tell him to cut the shenanigans and talk normal.

Literally

They are calling my name. 

This Is So Me At Work

Holla for a Dolla!

I love the dollar store. So much junk in there you never knew you needed until you see it's only a buck! Yesterday I hit two different dollar stores and have amusing stories about each of them.

Dolla Holla Mission 1: Christmas decorations for office
Since we are being forced to have some Holiday office cheer this year, I was instructed to go get cheap decorations to spiff up my lobby because having a tree wasn't enough. So a coworker and I hit Dollar Tree and the main thing I was in search for were a couple of boxes of cheap lights to hang around my desk. I see the lights they have and on the box it said 5.1ft so I figured two boxes would be plenty. When we return to the office, I unravel the lights only to find out I've been bamboozled. I asked my coworker how tall I look and she says about 5'4 to which I reply "Well apparently I must be as tall as Lamar Odom to the Dollar Tree". Cot damn lights are only about 3 feet long and there's 2 feet of just cord and to top it off, there's no damn connector at the end to hook up another set. These kinds of details should be specified!! I guess that's why they're only a dollar.

Dolla Holla Mission 2: Help my niece combine a Secret Santa gift for under $5
My Secret Santa niece needed some help on what to get her friend for under $5, so I told her we'd go to the dollar store and make a little basket of gifts. We picked out nail polishes, nail polish remover, cotton balls, and nail files and put them in a cute Christmas bucket, boom. 5 bucks. During our hunt, we stumbled upon the Dog section with food, treats, leashes and then... stripper dog clothes for small dogs. Seriously. There were cheetah prints, sparkles, glitter and SHEER shirts. Does a dog really need a sheer shirt with zebra print and sequins on it so you can see through it and think to yourself "That is one sexy little bitch"??? Actually, does anyone really need a shirt like that? The answer is no. So needless to say, my sister and I couldn't resist but to buy 2 of these outfits for her Chihuahuas (which are like my children) to help them stay warm in their doghouse. I know what you're thinking, and the answer is YES! Of course we did a family photo shoot!!

Happy Holidays!! Love Cocoa, Chapo & Gina

A male coworker just walked by and I noticed that he had some small white thing on his back pocket of his black pants. I tell him to come back and of course teases me for checking out his ass so I disappointed him and pointed out that a big white spot on black pants would catch anyone's eyes.
His hands are full so he turns around and I informed him "I'm not fondling you, just helping you out" when I pull the string off he says "WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE!! I work out!". This guy is 41.
I am literally shaking my head. Literally.

I hate when random coworkers start chatting about their weight in front of you then pause and look at you to see if you have any input. I just want my coffee, I don't know you well enough to tell you "Yeah it's definitely time for you to hit that elliptical. Now please move so I can get the Splenda."

Happy Halloween!

It only took me 2 work days to think this up then draw it and cut it out.
Thank God I don't have any real work to do.

Oops, forgot to include my weekend pics! Tricks n Treats!!!!!! ;)

Round 1

Rex Kwon Do & Cheshire Cat

Round 2

Mrs. Edward ScissorHands & Sexy Nerd

Just Don't...

I absolutely HATE it when people have conversations in front of my desk. Especially when they are both creepy, yet somehow full of themselves men. So what if I'm not doing anything important? Don't ramble on for 10 minutes directly in front of me talking about "all the girls I have" and "when I say 'my girls' I'm not referring to my daughters because I don't have any".

I just threw up in my mouth.

Cold Turkey Pt. 2

So you want to hear what awesome things happened while I boycotted Facebook for this last week?!?
Nothing...
I painted my nails a cool blue color.
Nothing.
People at work were told they aren't going to have a job in 2 weeks :(
....and more nothing.

Ok wait, that's kind of a lie. Something awesome did happen to me but not like what I was expecting. I didn't get promoted because I was way more productive, I didn't paint and organize my room like I need to and I didn't stumble upon a briefcase full of money because I wasn't looking down at my phone updates...
After my first day of serious withdrawals, I went into the kitchen in the morning for my cup of coffee as normal and found myself talking to an employee about hiking and then about his bad knee and some surgery he had on it, then about his kids. When I walked away, I started thinking about how many older people I work with (and not like, OLDER as in needing a walker, they're just older than me and in their 40's-50's) and how I really don't know much about any of them outside of work. I kinda just imagined these people to only exist at work, then they disappear off the face of the earth until 8am the next workday. And I mean that in the nicest way possible, now that I'm typing it out it seems a little harsh... I just forget that they also have their own lives and families and problems.

On a day to day basis, there's about 90 people here and I am close to about 10-12 of them, meaning I talk with them regularly and know a little about them & their personal lives. These are the people who do not disappear at 5pm because I've hung out with them outside of work so I know they're not imaginary (my imaginary friends are way more fun, but don't tell my coworkers I said that). So I decided with all of this extra time I've been having at work, I'd make it a point to start talking more to people who I normally don't talk to and asking more penetrating questions than the usual "How are you today?", "Is it Friday yet?", and "Have you seen my boss?". It's probably making some of them uncomfortable that I'm digging more into their personal lives, but most of them seem to enjoy talking about it cause I've been caught up in a few long conversations and they've even come up to my desk after to talk to me more. They like the penetration.

Without being so caught up on Fb I've learned that it's good idea to develop real relationships with the people I encounter almost everyday of my life instead of focusing all of my time on my Internet pals, especially since a group of people won't even be here in another two weeks. Maybe we're not like BFF status, but still it's nice to have someone else at work to talk with on a personal level. I guess all of my older coworkers are not these career focused zombies as I've imagined them to be.

Beauty Genie Where Are You?

Recently I had a coworker ask me if I do my own hair everyday and I was very flattered by her compliment because every morning I wake up and feel like I can't do anything new or cute with this mane without taking more than 20 minutes. Anything after 15 minutes I get annoyed and give up; kinda like how I look at my closet full of clothes and still say I have NOTHING to wear. ugh. I need to stop hitting that snooze button and waking up late... Anyways, so I realized I shouldn't be so whinny about my hair if a few people have noticed and commented how they like my different hairstyles throughout the week.

Which brings me to my Beauty Genie! What is a part of your normal beauty routine that you dread doing and wish you could have someone do for you? If I were granted ONE beauty wish for the rest of my life, it would be that I could have my own personal hairstylist at my beck and call. Whether it's to do a cute braid to my hair or actually cut/dye my hair, POOF Beauty Genie there!!

P.S. I guess this is a subtle hint to my future husband  - you should start saving now!

P.S.S. On another hair note, I was reading Glamour's Top 20 Most Memorable TV Hairstyles that included Daisy Duke from Dukes of Hazzard... WTF?! She has hair???? I thought she was just a set of walking ass cheeks.