Oh Baby I'm A Rock Star!

So last night I went with my sister, brother, and their children to eat at Burger King so the kids could play in the questionably sanitary play pen. After I ordered my food, this country song popped in my head & I was jammin' out to it in my mind when the cashier hands over my cup and I go to fill it with iced tea. I then walked over to the condiments station and I'm focusing on shakin' my sugar packet to the beat of the song when out of my peripheral vision I see my niece walk up next to me to get a straw. So I start singing out loud, and for the last few words of the song I turn to her to sing straight to her face only to realize she's most definitely not my niece, but the older lady who was in line behind me and about the same height as my niece...
After about 2 minutes of laughing uncontrollably, I immediately apologized and she assured me it was no problem but American Idol better watch out for me.
I knew I had the potential!!!!!!!

Inner Dialogue

Whenever you think to yourself, does your inner voice always sound like your normal voice? My imagination tends to get the best of me when I'm thinking and I noticed that my thoughts seem to have different accents whenever I think about certain situations in my head.

When I'm gossiping with Daria on the gangster, I always have this heavy New Jersey accent flowin' through my head and I imagine myself sitting there chompin' on a piece of gum so loud that she can hear it through her computer. You know, just like classy ladies on the East Coast would trash talk people.
i.e. Me: I'm SHORE she will have some'um bad to say about her. I mean, who doesn't she say anything beead about? *smacking gum loudly*

My funniest inner dialogue is when I'm chatting with my cousin on the gangster. It's like a mix of a straight up BonQuiQui hoodrat fresh out of the Compton projects and a valley girl straight outta the Scottsdale Fashion Square mall. Read on:

me: knee garowwwwS: What is up foo! Sooooo you missed out on the crazy bill debate at Texas last night

  ur mom was getting gansta with the waiters bcuz they put everyones tab together and gave us a pen to figure out who got what. It was pretty hilar!

me: oh em gee, thats why i hate going out to eat with everyone!

  and yeah, wtf is their deal!? they always split it!

S: I know. It was craziness. We didn't leave there til 1040!!!

 me: daaaaaang! i hope you guys didn't tip!

S: They included the tip in everyones total.

 me: oh shit thats right, i would've complained!

  throwed some bows in that bitch then square danced on the table and said YIPPEE KAY YAY MONKEY MAN!

 im having a sugar rush!

 S: lol. I think ur mother drank too much when she was preg with yo crazy ass!

 me: seriously!!!!!!

  I so sorry fo yo moda

 S: Speaking of drinking Its NIKOLAS Bday officially todow!! Lets get wasted!

 me: HELLS YES! FROSTING WASTED! So what time are we making cupcakes?!

 S: I get out at 6 so like 645?

  And I got wine foo.

 me: wine makes me sleepy... and whinny

 S: U make me sleepy n whinny

 me: exactly! Cause I'm sooooooooo smooth ;) ;)

 S: Umm not really. cuz ur boring!me: yo face is boring!

 S: Sooo. Where r u and the hubby going for your date?

  

  me: Ew. Grosssssssss

 no husband or ex husband of mine will ever have "corn rolls" unless it's muthafucking T.I.

  Anyways, we are going to a romantic lil pizzeria in downtown Glendale followed by romantic drinks at Pinks cabaret the strip club, jk

 S: lol, Seriously u come up with some random shit!

 me: lol! don't hate

 S: I dont know about youme: well know dis... I am your fatherrrrS: Wow

Dear Santa

Please bring me a set of car floor mats. I think my high heels are about to puncture the floor of my car and I will be Flinstoning it in my hooptie very soon. I don't care if they are pink zebra or just boring black, bring them ASAP.


Love,
Crazy Shoe Lady.