Is that you, Beatrix Kiddo??

Don't let your children watch this (Unless they're 30 & still living with you. AND they pay for the internet, then I guess you can let them, otherwise you are being taken advantage of). Okay now watch:

Little Red Riding Hood is Black Mamba?

via TheHairpin

Ree! Ree!! Ree!!! Ree!!!!!!

You know what today is...

DISCLAIMER for those of you who are under the age of 30 and happen to have fun plans with your friends for the night:

• DO NOT go anywhere isolated with just your small group of drunk / high off your asses friends.
• DO NOT HAVE PREMARITAL SEX! You WILL die a slow and agonizing death before you get to finish.
• DO stretch those leg muscles before you go out, that way if your being chased by a psychopath killer you are prepared to run for your life. Literally
• DO carry some mace or some sort of defense mechanism that will give you a head start run.
• DO NOT trip like a dumbass if you are running from a psychopath killer & if your friend trips... you'll always have memories of them before that night.
• If you are not Caucasian: DO NOT be the only minority within your group of friends. Deranged killers love small groups of white people.
• And once again, DO NOT HAVE PREMARITAL SEX! You WILL die a slow and agonizing death mid hump!

Okay so serious question: What is with movie producers picking on people under the age of 30 for all horror films. Can the young generation please get a fecking break and someone throw a movie out there where a bunch of  people going through their mid-life crisis' get brutally murdered; say maybe after they get their cool new tattoos and buy their new Harley and then horror strikes on their first bike run? Hell, I'll even settle for a film based off a mass murder at the senior citizen rec center.

LET MY PEOPLE LIVE PARAMOUNT PICTURES!

Hey!...

I know every other website you go to has already informed you of the return of Anchorman, but I wanted to just throw this gif out there.

 This is almost exactly what my sister & I did upon hearing the news:

Ever since I posted about Artax...

all I can think about when watching this sad clip is how that horse felt in real life.... Like, we know this is a movie and it's all acting, but does this horse know that?
He's probably freaking the feck out thinking maybe he really is drowning! How do they make him stay still? Is someone holding him to make it appear he's sinking or maybe he's in some sort of contraption that doesn't let his legs move???
I just feel bad for him... He's probably so confused with this kid crying & screaming at him, pulling his reigns & this horse is like "Omigaw, I'm drowning! Pull me out!!!" or maybe he's like "You sonofabitch quit pulling my reigns, I'm stuck here!". Or maybe he just really is an acting horse?
Can we get an E! True Hollywood story follow up on this horse and his commentary already? I'm about to have an anxiety attack and contact PETA.

idk why, but i am strangely fascinated with this movie

Maybe because it truly concerns me of how well Christian Bale plays this character.

American Psycho 

Lieutenant Daaaaaan, Ice Cream

http://dudeguykidbro.tumblr.com/

Oh Happy Friday!!!!!

I got the flow

Y'all gotta go

So getcha bags so we can go

ho ho

Ooooh Oooooh ow ow

NOW.

Thank you! Thank you!

I almost forgot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE doing this to my Ma

Movies That Lied To Us

3. The Neverending Story

What it Led Us to Believe:

1) Reading books is your ticket to a magical world of adventure, heroism, and condoned truancy. So what if kids beat you up every day before school? You get to skip class to read in an attic and mutter to yourself!

2) Go ahead and tell your teacher all about your adventures in Fantasia when she catches you ducking out the fire escape; at least you'll get to go to a Counselor that way instead of detention.

The Cold, Hard Truth:

News Flash: The only version of The Neverending Story you know anything about is the movie. Why? Because most books are not only terrible, but can take several days to finish. The kid you identified with in The Neverending Story is the same kid who will go on to become founder and only member of your High School's Juggling Club. And if you think just because you read a book a Luck Dragon is going to appear and help you scare away bullies, you're about to get the shit beaten out of you.

But perhaps the worst expectation this movie sets up in kids is the idea that if you believe in something with enough fervor, fantasy can become reality. If only you dream hard enough, magic can happen, stories can come alive, and you too can be a hero. Not hearing any voices from beyond? Still stuck working at Taco Bell to pay off credit card debt? Books continuing to spiral into disuse? Well, that's on you, you unimaginative little shits. Guess you just didn't want it bad enough, did you? We'll be sure to tell the Childlike Empress that as she slowly and painfully dies from your lack of imagination.

Damaging False Beliefs Traceable to Film:

Atreyu is an excellent band.

A recurring nightmare about our horses drowning in a bog.

A deep-seated fear that once begun, all stories will continue indefinitely until our deaths.

Read the other 7 movies that lied to us here HERE on Cracked.com

So last night the first Toy Story was on TV

(yes I watch children's movies on a weekly basis) and when I walked passed the TV, it was on the scene of the little evil neighbor kid Sid, whose parents probably put him in serious therapy after the first movie if he ran and told everyone he shit his pants because toys started talking to him. Then I started thinking how TS3 ended with Andy going to college cause he's all growed up, which got me to wondering what ever happened to this Sid character. E! True Hollywood Story needs to get the update on Sid, but you're in luck for now because I think I have it pretty much all figured out. Read on.

After his traumatic experience, Sid was convinced that his little neighbor Andy and his possessed toys lived in a real poltergeist house. He spent the next few years of his junior high & high school being teased as the neighborhood crazy for telling the story to everyone. The tables turned and now he was the one who was constantly bullied so he was sent to a small alternative high school to graduate. He then turned to the crack pipe to deal with his issues. His neighborhood lost it's value (which was the reasoning behind Andy's move) and became the new ghetto. Andy's old vacant house become the new crack spot where he performed crazy voodoo rituals worshipping toys so they would be at peace with him. He was eventually arrested and incarcerated for breaking and entering into Disneyland with intent to kill Mickey Mouse because they toys told him they needed the ultimate sacrifice.

Wow... 

It's like Spanish

So my sister and I were going through NetFlix this weekend and happened to come across Romeo + Juliet and we both agreed to watch it cause neither of us haven't seen it in forever. Well this scene is about as far as we got before we had to change movies. I told her I felt like I was watching a movie in Spanish and couldn't understand what the funk was going on cause that whole Shakespeare dialogue was ridic. The only reason I kind of wanted to continue watching it was because Michael from LOST was in it dressed in drag and wearing a white wig. It's one of those things you see that you want so badly to look away, but you can't. I wish I was more into that whole Shakespeare stuff so I could've watched the whole thing. It is a good movie, I just need subtitles.

Let me get that handclap

A coworker and I were talking about our pet peeves when watching movies and her main one was the people who clap at the end of a movie in a theater, because no one actually "performed", so why the applause? I then bashfully confessed to her that I am one of those people she hates. Now I don't clap for every single movie I see, hell I go to the movies maybe like twice a year because I have the attention span of a 4 year old and cannot stand to be in that uncomfortable seat for 3 hours or more. But sometimes movies just end so good that I can't help but to express my gratitude and new found giddiness with a nice round of applause. I mean, it's either that or look over at the person next to you and give them a hug or high 5 because you're so filled with joy that there was a happy ending. That would be weird.

Here are some other pet peeves we came up with for movie watching:

• Sitting with a person who's already seen the movie who insists on telling you "Oh my goodness I love this part" or "This is so scary" or "HAHAHA! THIS PART IS SO FUNNY, WATCH!" or something else to ruin what is about to happen that is supposed to be surprising.
• Sitting with a person who's already seen the movie who feels the need to explain what just happened and how it ties to something that already happened or will tie to what is going to happen next. Like, I'm watching the movie too, I can figure it out on my own. Now I missed what they just said cause you were talking, damnit.
• Teenagers in the movie theater. Either they're making out ridiculously loud or they're laughing ridiculously loud. Ridiculous! There should be a movie theater just for teens so they will stop annoying the shit out of the rest of the world. Of course there will be condoms in all the restrooms, duh.
• (For me) Movie theaters all together and people who've already seen the movie.

We also agreed that movies at home are bad ass. You can wear PJ's, drink wine or beer without having to sneak it in and wait for that loud part in the movie to crack your can open, pause for a bathroom break or another drink, and fart without anyone giving you the stink eye (pun?). So, what are your movie watching pet peeves?

I went to a MOVIE PREMIERE!!!!!!

SIKE! So yesterday Iago aka BFF & I went to see a private movie screening of Martha Marcy May Marlene and let me tell you... I thought it was a waste of two hours of my life. It sounds very interesting from the description, but that was the only interesting part. It had a sort of Girl, Interrupted vibe to it, but with no well put together plot. And then it was one of those movies that you're almost two hours into and BAM! It's over, just like that leaving you wondering to who the hell would fund production for such a movie.
Although we didn't enjoy the actual plot of the movie, we agreed that Elizabeth Olson is a really good actress & that will probably lead to this not-so-really-good movie winning some sort of crazy movie award. But if you really want to see it just cause you're Curious George, then I'd recommend getting it on bootleg; don't waste $11 on it.