I just want to wear a long sleeve shirt already!!!!!!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Arizona Girl Problems
Having that one day of 70-80 degree weather tease you into thinking you can start wearing Fall trends like the rest of the country, only to have the temperature go right back into the mid 90's the very next day. Upon leaving my house in the morning I squealed on the inside noticing how chilly the morning air was and thought "Dare I go back inside and change into a sweater shirt?". Buuuuuuut, it's a good thing I didn't, the temp was back to the upper 80's by 11am.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
FOUND!!!!!
One of the many reasons I barely graduated high school:
Sick ass notes I wrote to my friends
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| It was folded up very intricately so that every unfold revealed more caution about how offensive the context of this note was. |
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| To my friend's surprise, this note contained absolutely no relevant information whatsoever. Just some poetry that makes me realize how much of an asshole I was. But a funny asshole. |
Seriously, I had enough time to get into major detail about how much caution to take upon opening the note that I probably wasted an entire class. No wonder I barely made it to graduation.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Lisa Frank Status!
I don't know why but this morning I woke up thinking that Summer was going to be over, like, next week. But thanks to Google magic I now know that there are still 29 days left of Summer. Which to every girl out there, that means there's only 29 days left to wear all those ridiculously bright neon clothes/ nail polish/ eyeshadows/ frilly shirts/ cut off shorts & other crazy cool shit you spent all Summer stocking up on because in less than a month you get to put it all away for Fall. This also means I'm going to have to start DOING my hair for work and not have that "beachy wave" look aka "I went to bed with my hair wet and just threw some mousse in it this morning cause I slept in" look.
Damnit.
Anyways, beware Phoenix... starting tomorrow I'm going full force on the end of Summer fun looks!
No, I'm not a construction worker wearing this neon orange & yellow.
No, I did not rob a homeless person of their cut off shorts and shirts.
No, I am no longer a part of the Lisa Frank Club with my bright pink & blue nail polishes.
I promise you I own at least one brush and I know how to use it.
No, I'm not wearing these neon colors so drivers can see me because I plan on running at night.
I promise I do not crimp my hair. It's called a DEEP WAVER!
Oh yeah, that "perfume" I've been wearing the last few months is called: Sport Performance by Banana Boat. It's my sexy Summer scent.
No, I do not think I am a gladiator in these sandals.
And last but not least, I promise I'm not always listening to cheesy pop/ rock songs and sippin' on cocktails by the pool acting like I'm in the next LMFAO music video.
So consider yourselves warned! I hope the rest of you rock the shiznit out of your Summer wardrobe and beauty looks for the next 29 days.
Exes & Ohs
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Guess who's back in the muthatruckin house!??
I tried to caption this picture "We're Baaaaaaaccckkkk!" on my Instagram while tagging us at the game, but due to the University of Phoenix stadium not having free wifi (WTF), I could not reach an Internet connection in time to upload my pic and tag myself there. Poor us :( #2012problems
There isn't much more, but go ahead and enjoy the rest of what I managed to document before complete inebriation.
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| Mel & Val |
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| Buds & Birds |
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| Twinning!! |
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| Group Hug! |
P.S. So now I know why I don't remember leaving the stadium on Friday night or not even knowing about a shooting, I checked my bank account and realized I spent over $70 on beer that night. Yup, those $9 beers are mind erasers. Watch out world!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
I'm going to be a brave little toaster this weekend
This is my favorite.
Feel no obligation to be social.
Whenever I flaked on my friends, I would feel terribly guilt-ridden and have to come up with some extravagant lie to cover my ass. It was exhausting and, most importantly, pointless. Instead of telling an elaborate lie, why didn’t I just tell them the truth? Eight times out of 10, the reason why I flake on someone is not because I hate them but because I’m just not in the mood to hang out. Maybe I’m feeling overwhelmed, maybe I’m tired, maybe I’m just in a rotten mood. It’s usually not personal! So now I just will tell someone “Yo, I am in a crappy mood and want to be by myself tonight!” and that’s that. You can’t argue with being in a bad mood. It feels liberating to be honest and now I have no guilt whenever I bail on plans. (Perhaps my heart has just turned cold and black though?)
Double the #YOLO: Tell someone that you didn’t text them back last night because you just didn’t want to. (LOL, I dare you. You have to be a brave lil’ toaster to commit this sin.
via ThoughtCatalog
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Thank You notes aren't always good
A conversation between a coworker & I regarding the Thank You note I wrote him (which thanked him for being annoying and giving me someone to be mean to, and for bringing in his wife's delicious baked goods)
Me: I would just like to make one last comment about the thank you note that you were sooooooooo priveledged to receive from me...
SP: ok all ears
Me: At least it said thank you for something in particular, like being annoying and more importantly, for sharing your wife's wonderful goodies. I'll have you know that I made our IT guy a thank you note and on the inside, his said: FOR NOTHING
So yours was actually nice, you should feel really good about yourself now
SP: Poor Rick i understand his pain. But I do feel good, really good; that was a good diet coke i just had
Me: Wow, you two should link up and start a group so you can cry to each other instead of to yourself in the mirror.
SP: what the 'dudes against senseless gina violence' group?
Me: more like senior citizens, not dudes
SP: ok "senior citizens against senseless gina violence."
Me: I'm not violent though. Maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe. I'd like to think of it more as motivating
SP: thats violences ugly cousin
Me: Whoa whoa whoa, now you're calling my cousin ugly? Wow, who's the real bully here?
SP: im not violent though, bullies are violent.
Me: I didnt say you were violent
SP: maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe
Me: every bit of your being is mentally abusive to anyone in your path
SP: my being isn't made of bits, its made of atoms. I'm not a computer program.
Me: every organism of your being. Even the thought of you is quite revolting.
SP: i told you im made of atoms. I'll have to ask beetlejuice what you are made of
Me: Sometimes when I think of you, I want to punch a newborn baby...
right in the throat
SP: you might get in trouble if you punched a newborn and blaming me might not hold up in court
Me: Well, if i explain the situation, Im sure any judge would understand... Actually it would just most likely cause a domino effect of newborn babies being punched, one person explaining it to the next then punching a baby... Or it would just be one brutally beaten newborn baby.
The choice is yours.
SP: "your honor, prior to said newborn beating, i thought of scott. when i think of scott i want to punch babies. it is therefore not my fault but his your honor."
Me: Now that is logic, powerful
Me: I would just like to make one last comment about the thank you note that you were sooooooooo priveledged to receive from me...
SP: ok all ears
Me: At least it said thank you for something in particular, like being annoying and more importantly, for sharing your wife's wonderful goodies. I'll have you know that I made our IT guy a thank you note and on the inside, his said: FOR NOTHING
So yours was actually nice, you should feel really good about yourself now
SP: Poor Rick i understand his pain. But I do feel good, really good; that was a good diet coke i just had
Me: Wow, you two should link up and start a group so you can cry to each other instead of to yourself in the mirror.
SP: what the 'dudes against senseless gina violence' group?
Me: more like senior citizens, not dudes
SP: ok "senior citizens against senseless gina violence."
Me: I'm not violent though. Maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe. I'd like to think of it more as motivating
SP: thats violences ugly cousin
Me: Whoa whoa whoa, now you're calling my cousin ugly? Wow, who's the real bully here?
SP: im not violent though, bullies are violent.
Me: I didnt say you were violent
SP: maybe mentally abusive, mayyyyyyyyyybe
Me: every bit of your being is mentally abusive to anyone in your path
SP: my being isn't made of bits, its made of atoms. I'm not a computer program.
Me: every organism of your being. Even the thought of you is quite revolting.
SP: i told you im made of atoms. I'll have to ask beetlejuice what you are made of
Me: Sometimes when I think of you, I want to punch a newborn baby...
right in the throat
SP: you might get in trouble if you punched a newborn and blaming me might not hold up in court
Me: Well, if i explain the situation, Im sure any judge would understand... Actually it would just most likely cause a domino effect of newborn babies being punched, one person explaining it to the next then punching a baby... Or it would just be one brutally beaten newborn baby.
The choice is yours.
SP: "your honor, prior to said newborn beating, i thought of scott. when i think of scott i want to punch babies. it is therefore not my fault but his your honor."
Me: Now that is logic, powerful
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Yo, dude needs to get new friends
If his friends have ZERO reaction to this:
Not cool.
Not even a laugh?? I would've at least put my hand over my mouth like "oh shit!" or to hide the giant fucking grin stretched across my face.
Epic Dock Jumping Fail - watch more funny videos
Not cool.
Not even a laugh?? I would've at least put my hand over my mouth like "oh shit!" or to hide the giant fucking grin stretched across my face.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
What is it
about being at the gas station 15 minutes before you have to be at work that just pumps you up for the day? -No pun intended
Does anyone else get that feeling? It's like this good feeling seeing everyone else stop to run in and get their coffee or breakfast to get their day going that makes me feel better and gives me this 'Okay, time to seize the day' vibe. Like a realization that takes me back out of my own world to remind me of how much more there is around me, and it motivates me to give the day my best and keep my attitude positive.
I love that feeling; how we can feel so deep in our own lives and issues and relationships, then something as simple as walking around downtown in a crowd of people or staring at the ocean just kinda puts your life on pause and it hits you that there's a whole world out there that has absolutely nothing to do with you (in a good way, of course). A world full of people with their own different issues that make you grateful for the ones you have, because then your problems seem like nothing compared to theirs; or standing on the beach and letting the water touch your toes, reminds you of how small you are in this big world and how much more potential adventure awaits your future. Sometimes when I'm standing there digging my toes in the sand and letting the waves wash it off, I can't help but think that someone on the very opposite end of that ocean is doing the same exact thing, wondering what life is like on my end. It's this immense feeling that pushes me to keep a good outlook on life and keeps me humble even when I feel like my life is crashing down.
So I guess it's good to have those bad mornings; the mornings when you know you should've filled up on gas the night before, but you were too lazy to, so you're then forced to be an extra 8 minutes late (even though you're already running 15 minutes late). But don't stress it... People watch, study your surroundings and let that remind you to be passionate about what you do have and how great you have it 'cause it could be gone in a split second.
Does anyone else get that feeling? It's like this good feeling seeing everyone else stop to run in and get their coffee or breakfast to get their day going that makes me feel better and gives me this 'Okay, time to seize the day' vibe. Like a realization that takes me back out of my own world to remind me of how much more there is around me, and it motivates me to give the day my best and keep my attitude positive.
I love that feeling; how we can feel so deep in our own lives and issues and relationships, then something as simple as walking around downtown in a crowd of people or staring at the ocean just kinda puts your life on pause and it hits you that there's a whole world out there that has absolutely nothing to do with you (in a good way, of course). A world full of people with their own different issues that make you grateful for the ones you have, because then your problems seem like nothing compared to theirs; or standing on the beach and letting the water touch your toes, reminds you of how small you are in this big world and how much more potential adventure awaits your future. Sometimes when I'm standing there digging my toes in the sand and letting the waves wash it off, I can't help but think that someone on the very opposite end of that ocean is doing the same exact thing, wondering what life is like on my end. It's this immense feeling that pushes me to keep a good outlook on life and keeps me humble even when I feel like my life is crashing down.
So I guess it's good to have those bad mornings; the mornings when you know you should've filled up on gas the night before, but you were too lazy to, so you're then forced to be an extra 8 minutes late (even though you're already running 15 minutes late). But don't stress it... People watch, study your surroundings and let that remind you to be passionate about what you do have and how great you have it 'cause it could be gone in a split second.
Passion rebuilds the world for the youth.
It makes all things alive and significant.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Viva la tomboy!!
So I have a few confessions for y'all this Wednesday.
Okay my first confession which may or may not be a shocker, is that I've always been somewhat of a tomboy most likely due to the fact that I grew up with the boys. I was brainwashed that girls can and will be toyed with by a boy they like so I needed to beat them to their own game and if I liked a boy, the best way to show him was to just be a jerk. Also, never let my brothers/ cousins find out about him for the sake of his life. Another "important lesson" I learned from their manner was that my feelings should never be expressed (especially if they're sentimental) because that would be considered whining or just inappropriate.
But besides all of this information my brain was soaking up like a sponge in water, I've always enjoyed doing things boys like to do. I played outside allllllllll day, rode around on Rollerblades or bikes, played out war scenes, and I was obsessed with walkie talkies and Hot Wheels & their awesome tracks. Even in high school, I would watch ESPN for an hour without realizing that none of my brothers or their friends were even around, so I could've actually changed the channel if I wanted to, but I didn't. I remember I would always steal my brother's shirts and wear them cause they were way more comfortable than the tight and figure flattering clothes girls were supposed to wear. Then I would get a Charley horse when they couldn't find their shirt the next day or spotted me in school walking around in it. It didn't make sense to me to get dressed super cute for school just so I could sit all day uncomfortably instead of in a loose & cozy T-shirt, so I chose to be comfy at the expense of my brothers not having many clean shirts and my legs being bruised up for a day or two.
Even though a little bit of that tomboy still lives inside me, I still have my ultra girly moments like squealing over a insanely cute pair of heels that I tell myself I MUST have or hoard numerous amounts of eyeshadow and nail polishes or just being a shopaholic. But today I felt the tomboy in me make an extreme comeback, read on...
Okay my first confession which may or may not be a shocker, is that I've always been somewhat of a tomboy most likely due to the fact that I grew up with the boys. I was brainwashed that girls can and will be toyed with by a boy they like so I needed to beat them to their own game and if I liked a boy, the best way to show him was to just be a jerk. Also, never let my brothers/ cousins find out about him for the sake of his life. Another "important lesson" I learned from their manner was that my feelings should never be expressed (especially if they're sentimental) because that would be considered whining or just inappropriate.
But besides all of this information my brain was soaking up like a sponge in water, I've always enjoyed doing things boys like to do. I played outside allllllllll day, rode around on Rollerblades or bikes, played out war scenes, and I was obsessed with walkie talkies and Hot Wheels & their awesome tracks. Even in high school, I would watch ESPN for an hour without realizing that none of my brothers or their friends were even around, so I could've actually changed the channel if I wanted to, but I didn't. I remember I would always steal my brother's shirts and wear them cause they were way more comfortable than the tight and figure flattering clothes girls were supposed to wear. Then I would get a Charley horse when they couldn't find their shirt the next day or spotted me in school walking around in it. It didn't make sense to me to get dressed super cute for school just so I could sit all day uncomfortably instead of in a loose & cozy T-shirt, so I chose to be comfy at the expense of my brothers not having many clean shirts and my legs being bruised up for a day or two.
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| Yeah, this was pretty much me back in the day. |
Well, this morning I had a big breakfast so of course by the time lunch was upon me I was still not hungry (don't worry, that's not my other confession). In times like this I always head to the nearest shopping plaza to get out of the office and "window shop" to get an idea of what I want to purchase when I do have money to splurge (I quoted window shop because sometimes I reason with myself that a pair of pants or shoes are truly more important than eating lunch for a week. I know, I have a problem; tell me something I don't know).
I digress as usual; Okay so now that summer is upon us in this lovely city of Phoenix, I have been trying to find non-work attire that covers pretty much just the basics (boobs & butt) because when it's 106 degrees outside like today, I could walk around in a bikini (if I was comfortable enough to) and still feel like I have too much clothing on. -What's with all the parenthesis in my sentences? I don't know, I have a lot of side notes for you. You're welcome-
So today I did something I haven't done since my high school days... I shopped for MYSELF in the young men's section (there it is finally, 2nd confession)!! It was honestly a little surprising at how much neon pink, purple and orange was on the racks, but I guess those are just fun summer colors that anyone can wear. Also, it was kind of funny going into the fitting room at the same time as some teenage boy with almost the same exact shirt he was trying on. But yes, I did get a couple of tank tops to sport around this summer that are still figure flattering (just not holding onto my torso for dear life, which will make me even more hot and cranky) that I can throw a cute cami under to have that spiffy surfer girl look.
This is definitely one reason I'm glad I am a girl, 'cause I don't know how many straight men can walk into the Junior's or Women's sections in a store and find something that will look good on them... well, besides skinny jeans lol.
So today I did something I haven't done since my high school days... I shopped for MYSELF in the young men's section (there it is finally, 2nd confession)!! It was honestly a little surprising at how much neon pink, purple and orange was on the racks, but I guess those are just fun summer colors that anyone can wear. Also, it was kind of funny going into the fitting room at the same time as some teenage boy with almost the same exact shirt he was trying on. But yes, I did get a couple of tank tops to sport around this summer that are still figure flattering (just not holding onto my torso for dear life, which will make me even more hot and cranky) that I can throw a cute cami under to have that spiffy surfer girl look.
This is definitely one reason I'm glad I am a girl, 'cause I don't know how many straight men can walk into the Junior's or Women's sections in a store and find something that will look good on them... well, besides skinny jeans lol.
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| Perfect tomboy weekend attire |
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
It almost upset me to see
how much beer these two wasted, until I realized it was Old Milwaukee beer.
Carry on with the tramp passes.
Carry on with the tramp passes.
Friday, June 1, 2012
La-la-la Love it
How my friends keep coming up to me saying one of the following:
"So you should check... Oh wait, you're not on fb"
"Did you see that po... nevermind"
Friend: "OMG (insert friend name) is so annoying on fb. But I guess you wouldn't know"
Me: "Yeah that's why I don't have one anymore. So I don't have to sit around and care about shit that doesn't affect me whatsoever."
It's amazing how much less & completely insignificant information I have since deactivating my account.
Get on that RL ("real life" -as my nerd friend Tom Ace would say) people!
"So you should check... Oh wait, you're not on fb"
"Did you see that po... nevermind"
Friend: "OMG (insert friend name) is so annoying on fb. But I guess you wouldn't know"
Me: "Yeah that's why I don't have one anymore. So I don't have to sit around and care about shit that doesn't affect me whatsoever."
It's amazing how much less & completely insignificant information I have since deactivating my account.
Get on that RL ("real life" -as my nerd friend Tom Ace would say) people!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Littering and... littering annnnddd
So it's my time of the year that I am forced to throw money at the state by renewing my car registration and tags, but this year I'm going to pimp my hooptie by getting a custom AZ Diamondbacks license plate. It's all a very simple online process but the only trouble I'm having is trying to figure out what and if I want it to say something other than the normal jumble of letters and numbers that the system gives you by default.
This makes me think of how a friend and I who often carpooled were talking about all the different phrases and words on our fellow AZ citizens license plates like "TRUEDAT" and "DAWG" that just make you laugh and wonder if they are serious or a joke. We agreed that one day we were going to order custom plates for our own vehicles that said something respectably ghetto like either "OHFSHO" or "BLEEDAT" or even "TELLDAT".
Well ladies and gents, that day is today! Dreams DO come true!!!!!!
This makes me think of how a friend and I who often carpooled were talking about all the different phrases and words on our fellow AZ citizens license plates like "TRUEDAT" and "DAWG" that just make you laugh and wonder if they are serious or a joke. We agreed that one day we were going to order custom plates for our own vehicles that said something respectably ghetto like either "OHFSHO" or "BLEEDAT" or even "TELLDAT".
Well ladies and gents, that day is today! Dreams DO come true!!!!!!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Hello? Is anybody out there?
Am I really the only person who has this reaction when people use the word:
swag
Monday, April 30, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Ah Sheeyit! This my JAM!
Throwbacks!
Yesterday I randomly thought of the singer Jewel then had a quick high school flashback of songs that reminded me of her that I haven't heard in YEARS! Then I went home on my lunch break today and the movie Can't Hardly Wait was on that reminded me even more of my high school days, and I knew it was fate that I had to listen to some old jams.
So thanks to this darling innovation of finding historic information through technology we call GOOGLE, I found a few that might take you back and put a smile on your face (especially if you were a 15 year old girl in 2001).
Soul Decision - Faded (This was my JAYUMMM!)
After I started listening to this song I was laughing so hard thinking about how cheesy it is and how much I loved it!
Lumidee - Never Leave You
Samantha Mumba - Gotta Tell You (and her other famous songs that I was totally obsessed with!)
The Calling - Adrienne
Dream - He Loves You Not
Puddle of Mudd - Control (which I often called Muddle of Pudd after drinking my Smirnoff Ice)
oh yeah, I was hardcore!
Adema - Close Friends
Sugar Ray - Answer the Phone
Greed - Godsmack
Yesterday I randomly thought of the singer Jewel then had a quick high school flashback of songs that reminded me of her that I haven't heard in YEARS! Then I went home on my lunch break today and the movie Can't Hardly Wait was on that reminded me even more of my high school days, and I knew it was fate that I had to listen to some old jams.
So thanks to this darling innovation of finding historic information through technology we call GOOGLE, I found a few that might take you back and put a smile on your face (especially if you were a 15 year old girl in 2001).
Soul Decision - Faded (This was my JAYUMMM!)
After I started listening to this song I was laughing so hard thinking about how cheesy it is and how much I loved it!
Lumidee - Never Leave You
Samantha Mumba - Gotta Tell You (and her other famous songs that I was totally obsessed with!)
The Calling - Adrienne
Dream - He Loves You Not
Puddle of Mudd - Control (which I often called Muddle of Pudd after drinking my Smirnoff Ice)
oh yeah, I was hardcore!
Adema - Close Friends
Sugar Ray - Answer the Phone
Greed - Godsmack
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Real quick,
next time you're talking to someone from Arizona, check and see if they hiss the "s" in their words.
My cousin brought it to my attention last night that people from AZ hiss the "s" in their words. Then when 5 of us were all talking we couldn't help but try and not hiss the S and then sounded like our parents from Chicago who talk at speeds of 230mph.
We're just a bunch of ssscaly Slytherinsssss.
My cousin brought it to my attention last night that people from AZ hiss the "s" in their words. Then when 5 of us were all talking we couldn't help but try and not hiss the S and then sounded like our parents from Chicago who talk at speeds of 230mph.
We're just a bunch of ssscaly Slytherinsssss.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Kanye is Pissed
"After being accused of calling Kim K "his Beyonce," Kanye is setting the record straight. He's pissed words were put in his mouth comparing Kardashian with his best friend and collaborator Jay-Z's wife, Beyonce. " -Your Tango
First of all, It's funny that someone finally managed to piss of KANYE instead of vice versa.
Second of all, I felt it highly appropriate to generate this meme:
First of all, It's funny that someone finally managed to piss of KANYE instead of vice versa.
Second of all, I felt it highly appropriate to generate this meme:
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| God bless the internet! |
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
I got served
So apparently I'm not exactly waitressing material... Well at least not for an Asian restaurant with nagging owners and almost all senior citizen clientele. I was about to break an old man hip this weekend.
Friday night after my shift all I could think about is how I didn't want to go in on Saturday afternoon for my next shift, and then realized I was already unhappy with this second job after a week. My second job should be something fun that I enjoy and look forward to go to, not one that I'm dreading. I know not all work is fun, but it should be enjoyable. Especially after hearing another server tell me how miserable he was working there and he hated it, I decided I wouldn't be that way for a few reasons:
1. A server who is not happy with their job, should NOT serve. Bad overall experience for the customers = bad tip or no tip and that's just a waste of everyone's time.
2. I'm expecting a lot of changes for my full time job within the next couple of months and if all goes smoothly with that, I won't need a second job at all.
3. Now I have a whole 9 days of serving experience and I'm off to the next sports bar with my low cut t-shirt on to show off all of my acquired skills.
Okay, that last one is a joke... Unless my full time job screws me over and I have no choice but to go work in a sports bar for some extra cash which kind of sounds fun, but I don't know. What I do know is that I have a whole new level of respect for servers (not that I've ever been a jerk to people who serve), and I tip my hat to you all!
Friday night after my shift all I could think about is how I didn't want to go in on Saturday afternoon for my next shift, and then realized I was already unhappy with this second job after a week. My second job should be something fun that I enjoy and look forward to go to, not one that I'm dreading. I know not all work is fun, but it should be enjoyable. Especially after hearing another server tell me how miserable he was working there and he hated it, I decided I wouldn't be that way for a few reasons:
1. A server who is not happy with their job, should NOT serve. Bad overall experience for the customers = bad tip or no tip and that's just a waste of everyone's time.
2. I'm expecting a lot of changes for my full time job within the next couple of months and if all goes smoothly with that, I won't need a second job at all.
3. Now I have a whole 9 days of serving experience and I'm off to the next sports bar with my low cut t-shirt on to show off all of my acquired skills.
Okay, that last one is a joke... Unless my full time job screws me over and I have no choice but to go work in a sports bar for some extra cash which kind of sounds fun, but I don't know. What I do know is that I have a whole new level of respect for servers (not that I've ever been a jerk to people who serve), and I tip my hat to you all!
Friday, April 13, 2012
Is that you, Beatrix Kiddo??
Don't let your children watch this (Unless they're 30 & still living with you. AND they pay for the internet, then I guess you can let them, otherwise you are being taken advantage of). Okay now watch:
Little Red Riding Hood is Black Mamba?
Ree! Ree!! Ree!!! Ree!!!!!!
You know what today is...
DISCLAIMER for those of you who are under the age of 30 and happen to have fun plans with your friends for the night:
Okay so serious question: What is with movie producers picking on people under the age of 30 for all horror films. Can the young generation please get a fecking break and someone throw a movie out there where a bunch of people going through their mid-life crisis' get brutally murdered; say maybe after they get their cool new tattoos and buy their new Harley and then horror strikes on their first bike run? Hell, I'll even settle for a film based off a mass murder at the senior citizen rec center.
LET MY PEOPLE LIVE PARAMOUNT PICTURES!
- DO NOT go anywhere isolated with just your small group of drunk / high off your asses friends.
- DO NOT HAVE PREMARITAL SEX! You WILL die a slow and agonizing death before you get to finish.
- DO stretch those leg muscles before you go out, that way if your being chased by a psychopath killer you are prepared to run for your life. Literally
- DO carry some mace or some sort of defense mechanism that will give you a head start run.
- DO NOT trip like a dumbass if you are running from a psychopath killer & if your friend trips... you'll always have memories of them before that night.
- If you are not Caucasian: DO NOT be the only minority within your group of friends. Deranged killers love small groups of white people.
- And once again, DO NOT HAVE PREMARITAL SEX! You WILL die a slow and agonizing death mid hump!
Okay so serious question: What is with movie producers picking on people under the age of 30 for all horror films. Can the young generation please get a fecking break and someone throw a movie out there where a bunch of people going through their mid-life crisis' get brutally murdered; say maybe after they get their cool new tattoos and buy their new Harley and then horror strikes on their first bike run? Hell, I'll even settle for a film based off a mass murder at the senior citizen rec center.
LET MY PEOPLE LIVE PARAMOUNT PICTURES!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Swamp Ass
We are human.
We eat, drink, pee, poop & sweat whether you want to admit it or not.
Sweat happens and there's nothing you can do about it unless you pay for botox (as I once seen in a REALLY old MTV show).
I know there are other freak human beings out there, unlike myself, that when working out do not sweat like they're in Miami on a hot & humid summer afternoon. Hell, my body temperature rises & I get all flustered after my first alcoholic beverage, so that goes to tell you how much I sweat when I am actually TRYING to break a sweat. It's gross but whatever, I don't have money for botox so I deal with it.
Now everyone sweats differently and more or less in different places than others, but I just want to put something out there for the women & men who go to the gym wearing GRAY workout shorts or pants:
NOT.
CUTE.
Please do not put your swamp ass on display for the public.
It amazes me how many people actually wear any other color bottoms than black to the gym & have no shame about their swamp ass. Maybe they think they don't sweat that much? Hopefully they re-evaluate themselves again once they get home from the gym or at least see the sweat on their shorts/ pants when taking them off.
I know it looks sexy to some people to have that glistening from their neck, arms or legs after a good workout, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing sexy about a wet area near your ass. Please keep it to black bottoms at the gym whether you think you sweat a lot or not.
Thank you.
We eat, drink, pee, poop & sweat whether you want to admit it or not.
Sweat happens and there's nothing you can do about it unless you pay for botox (as I once seen in a REALLY old MTV show).
I know there are other freak human beings out there, unlike myself, that when working out do not sweat like they're in Miami on a hot & humid summer afternoon. Hell, my body temperature rises & I get all flustered after my first alcoholic beverage, so that goes to tell you how much I sweat when I am actually TRYING to break a sweat. It's gross but whatever, I don't have money for botox so I deal with it.
Now everyone sweats differently and more or less in different places than others, but I just want to put something out there for the women & men who go to the gym wearing GRAY workout shorts or pants:
NOT.
CUTE.
Please do not put your swamp ass on display for the public.
It amazes me how many people actually wear any other color bottoms than black to the gym & have no shame about their swamp ass. Maybe they think they don't sweat that much? Hopefully they re-evaluate themselves again once they get home from the gym or at least see the sweat on their shorts/ pants when taking them off.
I know it looks sexy to some people to have that glistening from their neck, arms or legs after a good workout, but I'm pretty sure there's nothing sexy about a wet area near your ass. Please keep it to black bottoms at the gym whether you think you sweat a lot or not.
Thank you.
 |
| Me, upon seeing the swamp ass via |
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Hey!...
I know every other website you go to has already informed you of the return of Anchorman, but I wanted to just throw this gif out there.
This is almost exactly what my sister & I did upon hearing the news:
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
After watching
One episode of Dance Moms, I don't ever, eva eva eva eva...
EVER...
Wanna hear another cot damn story about a parent getting arrested for disciplining their child in public. That mental & emotional abuse is socially acceptable for tv, so I think if a kid throws a temper tantrum at the store & gets spanked for it, all you dumbass people reporting that crap need a nice warm glass of shut the hell up!
Lights out Phoenix!
EVER...
Wanna hear another cot damn story about a parent getting arrested for disciplining their child in public. That mental & emotional abuse is socially acceptable for tv, so I think if a kid throws a temper tantrum at the store & gets spanked for it, all you dumbass people reporting that crap need a nice warm glass of shut the hell up!
Lights out Phoenix!
When I reach that point with someone fairly new to my life
that doesn't quite understand my humor or laugh at my jokes because they just look at me like:
Then I have to just tell them:
Wakey, Wakey
Eggs n Bakey!
So lately I've been noticing a trend on social media that show people using clever sentences to label their iPhone alarms that wake them up. Here's an example:
 |
| Guess I know what happens now since I haven't read the book. |
Here's another from my friend Dita that cracked me up:
 |
| Oh so true. |
So I decided to get in on the fun.
 |
| Did I get the fuck up at 6? Nah, I decided to snooze for another hour & rush to work so my morning would seem more exciting ;) |
Happy Tuesday planet Earth!
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Must Share
“Put yourself out there and give yourself permission to suck.
That’s not to say you should try to suck, but you have to give yourself permission to allow for the possibility of sucking. Without sucking, you’re never going to find your boundaries, and you’ll never push through those boundaries.
That’s all it is. Constantly bumping into walls you do not think you can climb and then climbing until you get over them. There’s no mystery to it, no magic. It’s about dedication and constantly trying to improve.”Michael Ian Black, interview on The Rumpus
That’s not to say you should try to suck, but you have to give yourself permission to allow for the possibility of sucking. Without sucking, you’re never going to find your boundaries, and you’ll never push through those boundaries.
That’s all it is. Constantly bumping into walls you do not think you can climb and then climbing until you get over them. There’s no mystery to it, no magic. It’s about dedication and constantly trying to improve.”Michael Ian Black, interview on The Rumpus
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